First you struggle to get yourself a job,then you discover that you just endure what you do like being married to some one you find depressingly unattractive.
There has got to be a way out and I hope to find it before my lights go out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Begining of The End
Our classes have come to an end, and things are back to normal the way the ought to be from inception.
No more stolen kisses
No holding each other in the dark
just the two of us talking about stuff over dinner...which would soon stop anyway
Gotta go now..
Cousins r comin around,its gonna be a full house.
L8er Folks
No more stolen kisses
No holding each other in the dark
just the two of us talking about stuff over dinner...which would soon stop anyway
Gotta go now..
Cousins r comin around,its gonna be a full house.
L8er Folks
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The End or a Fresh Start
Yesterday night,we decided to put evrything on hold and close that chapter of our lives.
I insisted that we make-out one last time, but she declined not knowing my guardian was about to sneak up on us.
If he actually saw us making out, I really dont know what would have happened.
Although, I had decided with her help that what we had was mere infatuation the close incident is serving as a warning for me to keep off.
We'lld remain friends, but as she's said, our 'classes' are over.
Was nice while it lasted and i have only one regret, wish we had started off as friends before ending up making out.
She said she'lld have married me if she were 2 or 3 years older, and I believed her.
Throughout the classes she always said what we had was too good to be true, while i kept saying i was falling in love she knew better.
Only if she were 3 years older....
I dnt know what happens to me now,guess i'lld just have to wait and keep trusting God for help cos i dont know if i can wait for 3 years by then i guess she would have found sme1else.
Guess I'lld just have to chill for now...
I insisted that we make-out one last time, but she declined not knowing my guardian was about to sneak up on us.
If he actually saw us making out, I really dont know what would have happened.
Although, I had decided with her help that what we had was mere infatuation the close incident is serving as a warning for me to keep off.
We'lld remain friends, but as she's said, our 'classes' are over.
Was nice while it lasted and i have only one regret, wish we had started off as friends before ending up making out.
She said she'lld have married me if she were 2 or 3 years older, and I believed her.
Throughout the classes she always said what we had was too good to be true, while i kept saying i was falling in love she knew better.
Only if she were 3 years older....
I dnt know what happens to me now,guess i'lld just have to wait and keep trusting God for help cos i dont know if i can wait for 3 years by then i guess she would have found sme1else.
Guess I'lld just have to chill for now...
Monday, July 13, 2009
Am getting hooked (unedited)
Its like a dream, but its real
Am being swept of my feet and its so surreal
No doubt my mind has taken the backseat
And the thinking done more by the 'tonguing'
Its not a suprise that our relationship is doomed from the start
If she were but a little older and myself a little stronger...
It would have been better
But as it is, it aint gonna last and some one's gonna get hurt
I think I am in love
But its just my emotions talking
I know am heading down the path of heart break
But i remain unfazed unshaken, committed to make the best of what we have
If she can love me for 10 more weeks and decides to love someone else its alright
But it nags me that I may not have a significam=nt input into decions that would help her shape he future.
I think I love her,but its difficult putting everything in perspective
I am supposed to see in her my future bride
She has a few of the things I consider most valuable
but there are others that still require cultivation
I guess in the end we cannot end up together
not because we do not love each other but because we were not meant to be
The foundation has been soiled
So the whole building comes crashing down
She asked me "Are you sure you would be willing to let go?" i said yes
And i told her I loved her...she just gave me a knowing smile and said ... "You think you are in love with me but ur not. I've been down this road before with other guys,and i know that what you see in me is just a fraction of what u desire in ur woman."
I told her,its a lie,its impossible.With her by my side i felt a warm glow in my heart, a glow which time had taken away.
Now she thinks i may be loving her, but i now discover that i dont at least not under the present circumstances.
For me to love her i must be able to see her in the most importune moments when our eyes meet and express my affection for her with any gesture - smile,wink or kiss - without fear of being caught or reprimanded.
I want to love her without condition and restriction
I want to be determined to be there for her.
But everything seems so soon too sudden
And though am the older in years
She seems to be the wiser in age.
I want to look in to her eyes and plant a kiss on her lips
Take her to a park and play around like kids with no care in the world.
I dont know...
Maybe my dreams will come true someday, I do not know
But am willing to take each day as it comes and make the most of the time we have together
Because I think I love her but am not sure.
Lets not jump to conclusions ... the picture is still unfolding
Tommorrow is a better day.
I love you girl and I know its true
Am being swept of my feet and its so surreal
No doubt my mind has taken the backseat
And the thinking done more by the 'tonguing'
Its not a suprise that our relationship is doomed from the start
If she were but a little older and myself a little stronger...
It would have been better
But as it is, it aint gonna last and some one's gonna get hurt
I think I am in love
But its just my emotions talking
I know am heading down the path of heart break
But i remain unfazed unshaken, committed to make the best of what we have
If she can love me for 10 more weeks and decides to love someone else its alright
But it nags me that I may not have a significam=nt input into decions that would help her shape he future.
I think I love her,but its difficult putting everything in perspective
I am supposed to see in her my future bride
She has a few of the things I consider most valuable
but there are others that still require cultivation
I guess in the end we cannot end up together
not because we do not love each other but because we were not meant to be
The foundation has been soiled
So the whole building comes crashing down
She asked me "Are you sure you would be willing to let go?" i said yes
And i told her I loved her...she just gave me a knowing smile and said ... "You think you are in love with me but ur not. I've been down this road before with other guys,and i know that what you see in me is just a fraction of what u desire in ur woman."
I told her,its a lie,its impossible.With her by my side i felt a warm glow in my heart, a glow which time had taken away.
Now she thinks i may be loving her, but i now discover that i dont at least not under the present circumstances.
For me to love her i must be able to see her in the most importune moments when our eyes meet and express my affection for her with any gesture - smile,wink or kiss - without fear of being caught or reprimanded.
I want to love her without condition and restriction
I want to be determined to be there for her.
But everything seems so soon too sudden
And though am the older in years
She seems to be the wiser in age.
I want to look in to her eyes and plant a kiss on her lips
Take her to a park and play around like kids with no care in the world.
I dont know...
Maybe my dreams will come true someday, I do not know
But am willing to take each day as it comes and make the most of the time we have together
Because I think I love her but am not sure.
Lets not jump to conclusions ... the picture is still unfolding
Tommorrow is a better day.
I love you girl and I know its true
Monday, June 22, 2009
Down Below...
Today i feel like am approaching a defining moment in my life.
I am quiet,not sure ofwhat to do or think.
I just know that if things dont change or improve...i dont have an alternative
I have got to discover a side of myself I have not allowed to flourish.
But I must be careful to have God as the centre of it all.
I know I will survive,even thrive.
I am not perfect, but destiny is on my side.
Destiny awaits.
Like a caterpillar in a cocoon am still under metamorphosis.
Someday, soon I hope I would come out...
And be shown to the world and every one that seems me will wow at the wonders of God.
I will survive.
I am quiet,not sure ofwhat to do or think.
I just know that if things dont change or improve...i dont have an alternative
I have got to discover a side of myself I have not allowed to flourish.
But I must be careful to have God as the centre of it all.
I know I will survive,even thrive.
I am not perfect, but destiny is on my side.
Destiny awaits.
Like a caterpillar in a cocoon am still under metamorphosis.
Someday, soon I hope I would come out...
And be shown to the world and every one that seems me will wow at the wonders of God.
I will survive.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Crises
My brother came over for the weekend and we were home alone.I cant explain how I feel,motivated is sure not the right word to use.
Cant seem to sleep well so I tend to doze a little after lunch.
I wish i could just go far away to a place where I can wake up and sleep on my terms.
A place where everyone will accept me for who I am without judging me air telling me I could be much better.
A place where I am free to do as I please without being afriad of hurting/disappointing those thatv look up to me.
The saddest thing in life is being unsure of where you are going.
Makes you want to doubt everything..
Got to go now I have bills to pay for and bosses to impress.
Cant seem to sleep well so I tend to doze a little after lunch.
I wish i could just go far away to a place where I can wake up and sleep on my terms.
A place where everyone will accept me for who I am without judging me air telling me I could be much better.
A place where I am free to do as I please without being afriad of hurting/disappointing those thatv look up to me.
The saddest thing in life is being unsure of where you are going.
Makes you want to doubt everything..
Got to go now I have bills to pay for and bosses to impress.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Trouble!
There is a smart looking girl at my work place I seem to have a crush on.Fine she's been working much longer than myself...just got to know about that today.
Anyways,she's smart young fresh gud luking and takes gud kia of herself.
She pays attention to the details that speak volumes to me about a woman's character.
..inconspicous but expensive wristwatch,properly manicured nails nice earings...
She's just ok and may not even know it. From what I see we can only be friends nothing more,
keep u guy's posted though,got to run now...
Anyways,she's smart young fresh gud luking and takes gud kia of herself.
She pays attention to the details that speak volumes to me about a woman's character.
..inconspicous but expensive wristwatch,properly manicured nails nice earings...
She's just ok and may not even know it. From what I see we can only be friends nothing more,
keep u guy's posted though,got to run now...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The Challenge of a Single Believer
No Sex.
No Booze.
No Porn.
The challenge as a straight guy with some level of moral conviction about the aforementioned activities poses a serious problem.
Fine, maybe i am a bit anti-social, but i feel every guy is entitled to some fun without stripping ladies of their dignity...
No Booze.
No Porn.
The challenge as a straight guy with some level of moral conviction about the aforementioned activities poses a serious problem.
Fine, maybe i am a bit anti-social, but i feel every guy is entitled to some fun without stripping ladies of their dignity...
Intro..
Today, am putting up my first blog,my Intention here is to upload my thots and ideas as they come up and share them with others.
A rainmaker is someone who is believed to have supernatural powers,legend has it that in ancient times when there was a drought or famine the rainmaker was summoned.
He alone, it was believed had the power to conjure up magic that would change the course of nature and cause rain to fall and the drought or famine to cease.
In modern times, i see a rain as a solution provider, the 'go-to' man.
I am not a go-to guy, am just a guy who is working on his deep felt assumption that nothing is impossible.
Some one who attempts each the day trying to push the limits of possibility. I hope to get there one day where in deed i would be liberated from the shackles of fear,... and ... that tend to hold me back from fulfilling my full potential.
I am somewhat melancholy by disposition so the tone of this blog would vary and would exhibit various types of emotion.
Gotta run now!!
A rainmaker is someone who is believed to have supernatural powers,legend has it that in ancient times when there was a drought or famine the rainmaker was summoned.
He alone, it was believed had the power to conjure up magic that would change the course of nature and cause rain to fall and the drought or famine to cease.
In modern times, i see a rain as a solution provider, the 'go-to' man.
I am not a go-to guy, am just a guy who is working on his deep felt assumption that nothing is impossible.
Some one who attempts each the day trying to push the limits of possibility. I hope to get there one day where in deed i would be liberated from the shackles of fear,... and ... that tend to hold me back from fulfilling my full potential.
I am somewhat melancholy by disposition so the tone of this blog would vary and would exhibit various types of emotion.
Gotta run now!!
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